


Knowledge is Power

by Cheloya



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-10-27 06:56:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10804086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheloya/pseuds/Cheloya
Summary: Old, imported. Orihime told Yachiru about Christmas and now all of Eleventh Division must suffer.





	Knowledge is Power

Ikkaku woke up when Yachiru stood on his forehead.

This in itself was not an unusual way to wake up for seated officers of the Eleventh Division. What was unusual was that, after he had swiped at her and she had darted away giggling, after he had climbed laboriously to his feet, groggy and muttering things about the brat he’d never say in front of her, or taichou, he realised that he could not actually see his hand in front of his face. He realised that it was, in fact, midnight.

And then he realised that Yachiru had already moved on to waking up Yumichika.

At midnight.

Ikkaku paled, spun, and paled further when a slender hand wrapped around the edge of his door and slammed it open. Yumichika, not exactly sparkling at this hour, but still managing an artful rather than messily tousled look, squinted across the darkened room at him, and said, “You’ll have to kill her. She’s too beautiful for me to kill.”

That threw Ikkaku off-kilter just enough that he forgot about flailing away from Yumichika’s expected lack-of-beauty-sleep tantrum, and gaped a little instead. “What, Yachiru?” he managed after a while.

Yumichika’s eyes narrowed in a way that said, _you’re being this stupid on purpose_. His lips flattened into an irritated line. “Orihime-san,” he corrected shortly, and Ikkaku managed to feel even more bewildered.

“Huh?”

From further down the hall came the muffled thuds and crashes that meant Yachiru was giving Zaraki-taichou the same wakeup that they’d both suffered minutes earlier. Yumichika raised one hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in a long-suffering fashion, closing his eyes and holding back a scowl – not very well, either, Ikkaku noted. Yumi really wasn’t good on three hours’ sleep.

“Her... day of presents. Christmas, I think she called it.” Pulling himself upright on the door, and then leaning against it, Yumichika ran a hand through his hair – more to get it to sit flat than to demonstrate its silkiness, this time. Pointedly, he said, “Yachiru heard about it from Orihime-san.”

Ikkaku processed this for a few seconds, then scowled. “Yeah, you got it,” he agreed. Terrible waste of good tits, though, he mourned.

They moved out into the hall, met taichou halfway, squinting down at them, messily-shorn hair loose and brushing his shoulders. Yachiru preceded him, beaming, all the way out to the division’s main hall, where she stood beside a pile of brightly-wrapped boxes that was almost as tall as she was.

She gave one box to Ken-chan and one box to Frilly Brows, and one box to Pachinko Ball, and sat there very patiently while they all opened up their boxes and found their next five manga, and a mirror with wisterias on the back, and a new couple of pots of unguent from the human world. And then she sat there expectantly while Pachinko Ball and Ken-chan stared back, realising slowly that when she realised that none of them had stuff to give her _back_ , they were going to be in really, really, really big trouble.

Yumichika, naturally, was the first one to come up with a plan.

“Fukutaichou,” he cooed, holding his newly acquired mirror in one arm and leaning down to pick up Yachiru with the other. “The three of us got together to give you one great big present from _all_ of us.”

(“We did?” A surreptitious elbow. “Uh, yeah! ‘Course we did!”)

“Really?” Yachiru’s eyes practically sparkled with glee. She looked around. “Where is it?”

Yumichika smiled his usual thousand-watt smile and shifted her slightly on his hip. “You and Ikkaku and taichou and I are all going to a big park in the human world,” he said lightly. “But the park doesn’t open until, mmm, ten o’ clock. So you can have a big sleep, and then we’ll get going first thing in the morning.”

“Yaaaaaay!” Yachiru’s grin widened. She made a few frantic pushing motions until Yumichika set her down, and then cocked her head. “Do I gotta brush my teeth again before bed?” She asked anxiously, and Yumichika patted her head.

“You’re fine, fukutaichou,” he promised her. “Off you go. We’ll be right behind you.”

Ikkaku waited until the kid had gotten a good way down the hall before he turned to Yumichika and hissed, “ _The fuck are you doing?_ We’ll never get clearance for that! And she doesn’t even have a giga—”

Yumichika reached out very calmly and mashed Ikkaku’s face with one hand until it was out of his way. “Taichou,” he chirped. “Ikkaku will handle the clearance, but I’m afraid you’re the only one who can convince Kurotsuchi-taichou to put together gigai by ten o’ clock.”

Zaraki just grinned, and pushed out the front doors of the division. Ikkaku wasn’t sure if it was lack of sleep or blind panic making him hallucinate, but he was pretty sure that taichou was whistling ‘Jingle Bells’.

“The hell are you handling?” he demanded of Yumichika irritably. The pretty shinigami smirked.

“The beauty sleep,” he offered shamelessly, tucking the mirror more firmly under one arm. And then, smirk widening, “And the mistletoe, of course.”

“Mistletoe?” Back to bewilderment. Yumichika made a shooing motion with one hand.

“A very important Christmas tradition that fukutaichou will know all about,” he explained, the perfectly innocent expression on his face completely ruined by the wicked gleam in his dark eyes. “I’ll... brief you before we leave.” A smirk followed. “But you’d better handle the passage clearance first, hmm? It might take _hours_ to explain it to you properly.”


End file.
